Crazy Bear, Fitzrovia

6 years ago

The Vibe

Opulence and sex. This place is hardly subtle, with its shiny surfaces, nude and brassy sculptures, heavy and rich upholstery, and alcove areas. Ordinarily a members club, any little boozer can try their luck on a Saturday and make their way down the stairs to the den of implied iniquity. Glam aside, on second look the crowd is a mixed bag of businessmen, dressed up girls on a night out and couples on first/second dates where the guy is trying a bit too hard and the girl has decided, upon glancing the humongous bible of cocktails, that is may be nigh on impossible to retain any sense of sobriety.

The Order

Treat the cocktail choices like a three course meal. You are likely to stay some time so start with something light and bubbly (a simple Peach Bellini), more on to something strong and fresh (The Gatsby- tanqueray gin, pink grapefruit juice and fig reduction), get heavier with a rum-based choice (Dark and Stormy) and move on to the dessert of the tiramisu or lemon cheesecake cocktail (sickly, so don’t finish the whole thing, share it).

The Game

Drink a huge amount, draw out conversations about the interesting mix of cocktails and ‘oh what to go for, that sounds good, but then that….’. Make sure you are seated in one of the darker corners, pass commentary on the other people there, play games, be tactile, essentially flirt your ass off. For the ladies, make sure you go to the bathroom at some point in the evening. Firstly, he’ll get the chance to check out that delightful behind you’ve been concealing on the sofa. But more importantly, it gives you the chance to experience finest room in the house: every single surface is darkly mirrored, you lose all bearings, and the practical purpose of your visit is completely clouded by the thought ‘this room was built for sex’. There’s also a freaky surprise when you wash your hands but I’ll leave that for you to experience.

The Faults

Pretty pricey and you fin yourself working rather too hard to extract a smile from the harsh Russian waitress.

Sex Factor

5+. Or cut to the chase and book into their hotel in Beaconsfield, room number 10, Boom.


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