Humble Grape, Battersea

  • DATE #394
  • Written by Tom Stevenson (Guest Author)
  • 3 years ago
What's eating Humble Grape?

The Vibe

Walls and walls of wine. Wine on the shelves. Wine in displays. If a distant sonic wave shattered all the glass in here you would drown in wine. Good glassware. The red glasses are slightly larger than the white – as it should be. Most of the wines are ordered directly from the producers so the waiters have inherited some good stories. Stories bring us closer together. Close together is good for dates.

The Order

Order the sharing platter. The meats, cheeses, breads and terrines are delicious and they will fill you up.
On wine, Humble Grape demands preferences. You will be asked what you normally drink to gauge your palate and if you say, “Oh I normally just get the house white” you are history. Try to remember the name of a wine and a characterising adjective.

If I tell you what to order, you’ll lose all the fun. The waiters are very knowledgeable and passionate so let them tell their stories. They will be happy to bring out a couple of tasting glasses each. Choose one of these options. If you request a third, your date will think you’re too picky.

The Game

Sharing and sampling. Two of the sexiest things you can do on a date. Both create intimacy, but both have to be handled with care. Men, ask your date which parts of the platter she enjoys and give her more of her share of that. Dividing up the plate exactly in half is almost as bad as splitting the bill.

Offer your date a taste of your wine. She should politely reciprocate. Do not put them on the spot and ask them to pick out flavour notes. That is not sexy. That is pompous.

As you continue to give and take, taste and share; the room should start getting a little hotter until…”Oh no there’s no tube station nearby. Maybe we should share a cab?”

The Faults

There’s no tube station nearby.

Sex Factor

4. Tastings are sexy dates. Sample some wine and you sample each other.

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