Pizza East, Portobello

Pizza East Portobello
Made in Chelsea leave their hood

The Vibe

The West London version of Pizza East Shoreditch, the ground floor is all wooden tables and rustic/trendy, not exactly romantic but an exciting place to feel part of an attractive but dressed down posh crowd. It’s so far down into Portobello, far past the market, that it feels safely removed from any tourist threat. The first-come-first-served seating, the exposed brick and cocktails in beakers smack of New York chic; you feel the need to people watch even though it’s doubtful to yield more than a Made in Chelsea star at most.

The Order

Um, pizza? But beware, unless they state tomato in the ingredients, you might just end up with a white pizza, not a good look. My advice, stick to the simple options, like a great margarita with fresh basil, or add some cuts like prosciutto to meat it up. The small plates to start are truly fantastic. A divine and oozing garlic bread roll (disclaimer: not snog friendly), fragrant lamb meatballs and some astonishing bone marrow. We could have avoided the pizza altogether and feasted on the antipasti and small plates.

The Game

Turn up at peak times and can conveniently start with drinks at the bar. Hopefully by the time you are served you’ll be tipsy and relaxed, already done with the people watching/commentary for the evening. By the time starters are done, you’ll only need a pizza to share- get two and you’re far too full to flirt. Espresso martinis for dessert please. Linger over them, no one will force you out for a while. Be the last couple in there, having enjoyed a long meal and even longer chat. Emerge into the summer evening, tipsy off the booze and buzz, hail a cab and go your separate ways after a brief kiss. Enough groundwork has been put in, the next date will be raucous.

The Faults

No champagne flutes for bellinis, not a red wine glass in sight. Attractive female waiters, lack of male hotties. Choose the wrong pizza, like the pork scratching option, and it’s far too out of the comfort zone (and just a tad odd tasting).

Sex Factor

1-  Setting up the game. Great for friends who want to eventually become more.


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