Village East, Bermondsey

Village East Bermondsey
A starter of coffees and cocktails…

The Vibe

New York’s East Village is a countercultural hub, the residence of the Beat generation, the artist’s spiritual home. Village East takes pains to reference the hip credentials of its transatlantic namesake. Sure it’s in a warehouse. Sure the kitchen is wide open for all to see, there are pillars and concrete in abundance, and minimalist laws prevail. And sure there are areas where you can lounge about with the culture section of The Times whilst waiting for your date to arrive. However, it’s also gratifyingly slick, the food is good and there’s none of the pretentious artistic hubris you might find with the real deal. Bermondsey is fast becoming the most solid date option around.

The Order

This is a brunch date, but one that will cause some anxiety and confusion when the menu is presented. There’s far too much to choose from and it all looks delightful. Do not extend the ‘what to have’ conversation beyond 10 minutes, one of you will tire rather quickly. Just restaurant roulette it up and go for the second dish that grabbed your attention. Then add a side. The squid and chorizo salad has fresh, clean flavours with a great dressing, and it wouldn’t be considered completely gluttonous to order a supplementary breakfast item. Place your order and stop thinking about what you missed out on. Remember, you came for the action, not the food.

The Game

You can take your time with this meal, facilitated by effusively friendly but not very speedy service. Enjoy a starter of coffees and cocktails, swap stories about the night before and keep it relaxed. No heavy discussions here please, anecdotes and funny observations will do. When the food arrives, make it clear that you are open to sharing, alleviating the panic caused by food envy. After the meal, have a few more coffees and suggest a walk towards the river. Amble in the sun, lie in the park round the corner, be content and playful. No lunging here, this is a definitively chilled out one. A lingering kiss on the cheek will create a frisson of sexual energy and leave them wanting more.

The Faults

No guaranteed sex on this date. Also slowish service and the aforementioned plague of choice.

Sex Factor

0. However this is a key ‘ground work’ date. You may not get some today, but you managed to drag out this date a whooping 5 or 6 hours so there’s a tacit understanding that you eventually expect to see a return on this investment.

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